Tag Archives: weigh-in

Another un-perfect week

Another un-perfect week.

I say that, because since I started this “lifestyle change,” I have not had one week where I do exactly what I say I’m going to.

According to my plan, I’m supposed to eat 1250 calories every weekday and 2000 on Friday and Saturday.

but...food

Has that happened? No. Has that even close to happened? Kind of. Maybe. Almost.

When I pictured myself losing weight, I pictured it being consistent and structured — Biggest Loser style. But truth is, this isn’t a secluded ranch. This isn’t time off from the regular world to lose weight. This is real life. And life comes with a multitude of distractions and worries and things that can throw you off course.

The most important thing I can do is not give up. I may not have a perfect week, but I’m doing so much better than I was 8 weeks ago. I’m improving. I’m taking steps towards a better me.

I stopped myself from binging on more than one occasion this week. I got myself to the gym. I did things that 2 months ago, I never would have done. I wasn’t perfect. But I was better.

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I weighed in this morning. I didn’t lose much, but I lost my Thanksgiving gain from last week – so that’s something.

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One of these weeks will be a perfect week. But until then, I’ll just keep logging. Just keep exercising. Just keep going.

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If I didn’t binge.

I’ve been dreading writing another post. I began Thanksgiving with such willpower and hope…and then things changed. And I can pinpoint the exact catalyst for that change: leftovers.

Most people screw up their diets over Thanksgiving. They give in a little, and enjoy a piece of pie with their loved ones. When people say “don’t worry so much over the holidays,” that’s good advice. That is, if you can handle it.

But I don’t function that way.

See, I didn’t enjoy a piece of pie with my family. I didn’t give in. In fact, I stayed under 1250 calories through the Thanksgiving meal. But then later, I ate a few pieces of pie alone in front of the TV.

I went out to dinner with my high school friends and passed up pasta for steamed chicken and veggies. But then I had about 800 calories worth of stuffing later that night. Again, alone.

For the past week, I’ve eaten almost 3000 calories on average EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And the vast majority of my extra calories were consumed late at night and alone.

Why do I do it? I’m not sure. It’s like the leftovers in the fridge are calling to me, and I make myself answer to them. When I’m binging, I don’t even really enjoy it for more than a couple seconds. I’m punishing myself and I know it.

What’s the reason for my self-sabotage? Part of me knows I’m scared. I have a lot of stress in my life, and maybe I’m comfortable being where I am and hating myself. What if I lose this weight and I’m not any happier? Maybe I don’t think I deserve to be happy.

No matter what the answer is, it’s bullshit. It’s complete and total bullshit. Which is why my blog is so appropriately named byebyebullshit. Because I need to let this go. I can’t live like this anymore.

When I think back on my life for the past few years, I realize I’ve gained all this weight not because I’m eating out and drinking wine with my friends like a normal young adult. Sure, that’s a part of it. But the real point at which I started gaining a bunch of weight was when I started binging. That’s the reason I’m fat. If I didn’t binge, I wouldn’t be fat.

When I try to diet, I sacrifice time with my friends to make sure I can stay within my calorie limit – and then I binge alone. So, to summarize, I sacrifice fun with the people I love, and then I stuff my face anyway. It’s bullshit.

Enough. I weighed myself this morning, and I gained 0.4 pounds this week. Which honestly, I don’t know how I’m not up at least 3 pounds. But I’m not complaining.

I’m glad I weighed myself. It reminds me that even though this week was a total and complete disaster, I’m not starting over. I’ve still lost 6.7 pounds. And next week I’ll lose more. There’s no reason for me to backslide. I still have hope.

This is not a linear process.

But I have not had a binge-free week since I started this blog.
I repeat, I have not had a binge-free week when I started this blog.

This week will be a binge-free week. Mark my words.
If I can do that, that’s more of an accomplishment than any number the scale spits out.

It will mean I’m one step closer to actually giving a shit about myself.

Stay tuned.

3000 miles away…

I started this blog with the intention of feeling better by the time I traveled to my home town for Thanksgiving (as an initial goal). I certainly don’t weigh as little as I hoped:

I weighed in at 174.6 this morning. Which means I’ve lost 7.1 pounds in 37 days…approximately 1.3 pounds per week. So I definitely haven’t lost as much weight as I wanted to by now.

But I certainly feel better. If my goal was to have more confidence by Thanksgiving, that goal was reached. And I have something else: I have hope.

This is the longest I’ve ever stuck to a “diet” in a very long time. It’s the first time I’ve really messed up and not completely thrown in the towel. I’m looking at things an entirely different way this time around, and it feels good. Just because I have a bad day, or even a bad few days, it doesn’t mean it’s over.

This holiday week certainly has the potential to have quite a few bad days.

Today I was met with my first holiday challenge: the airport. Aka fast food heaven.

I like fast food. A lot. And I like eating it at the airport while waiting for my flight to take off because, let’s face it: it’s a fun and delicious way to kill time.

So (despite knowing it’s not the healthiest but allowing myself to have it anyway) I planned my day around fast food. I planned my eating so I was allotted enough calories for a large lunch. And I planned well! I was able to eat a chicken sandwich and fries…and still come in at under 1250 calories for the day. Not too shabby.

I know the week is only going to get tougher. With Thanksgiving on Thursday, there will be endless treats and meals (and beers) that I know I’ll want to stuff my face with. It will be hard. But I have to remember:

And I’m willing to struggle for this.

The great (food) escape

Food. is. everywhere. And when you work in a social office environment, free food is everywhere.

As a relatively poor twenty-something, I find it incredibly hard to turn down anything that’s free. Pencils, dryer sheets, random furniture. It doesn’t cost a thing? Sure, I’ll take it all. And delicious dessert? Forget about it.

Today a few people at work went out for lunch, and the waiters brought over complimentary freshly baked ice cream sandwiches.

You heard me.

Cinnamon ice cream. Sandwiched in-between two homemade oatmeal cookies.

It took absolutely everything I had in me not to take a bite. Because let’s be real – once I try a little, I’m going to eat the whole thing. I know this from experience.

When I got back to work, there was a giant bake sale. I’m talking pumpkin bread, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, bars, cake…virtually every delicious thing you could think of. Take a moment and salivate over what I was up against:

Well, you get the picture. (These aren’t actual photos from the bake sale, by the way – I just wanted you to get a sense of the spread. Everything really did look this delicious, I swear.) I think I deserve a medal for walking past this.

And then, if that wasn’t enough, around 5:00 we sang happy birthday to my co-worker. In front of a gourmet, bakery-made funfetti cake. It looked beyond beautiful. Then someone offered me a slice, waving it slowly under my nose.

I had to walk away and get some water. As I walked, I began to negotiate with myself. “A little bit of dairy won’t really hurt you.” And, “It’s someone’s birthday. You can eat cake. Everyone else is.” And finally, “You just won’t eat dinner later. You can do that.” (I can’t.)

I got a big cup of ice water and chewed on the ice. And honestly, it helped. Once the moment passed, and people were done eating, I felt like I could breathe again.

Later today, I thought about how I’ll probably never regret not eating cake. It’s not something you look back on and think, “Damn, I should have definitely eaten that.” No. Dessert is just something that leaves you feeling powerless in the moment. But once the moment passes, you’re always going to feel good about your decision.

So all in all, I’m proud of my choices today. At least I got to smell dessert, right?

Side note, I lost 0.6 pounds last week.

I weighed in yesterday, and honestly was surprised I didn’t gain weight. Last week wasn’t great – I ate an average of 2100 calories per day (yikes) and only worked out twice. So I’m taking that 0.6 pounds and running, thank you very much.

This week will be better. It already is. I’m going to weigh in Tuesday before I fly home for Thanksgiving, so it will only be a 6-day week. But I have a feeling it will be a good one. :)

Kate out.

The happiest of hump days

Hello all.

Guess what?

I LOST TWO POUNDS THIS WEEK.

Not 0.2. Not 0.5. Not any form of any fraction of a pound. TWO.

HEEEYYLLLLL YES.

Two pounds may not be an epic loss, I realize this. But it means that I can do this thing. That my weight loss really isn’t linear. That this is a long learning process, not an exact science. And that if I have one bad week, it doesn’t mean I’m destined to have bad weeks for the rest of my life.

Of course, despite my excitement, there’s a little voice in the back of my head that’s saying: “Yeah, you lost 2 pounds, but you’re still almost 10 pounds heavier than you were a year ago.”

But you know what I say to that voice right now?

I have to remember not to stumble over things that are behind me.
I’ve made mistakes in the past. But I’m working my ass off to make things right.

I may not be there yet, but I’m getting closer!

This ain’t twerkin for me

Half a pound.

I lost half a pound.

Weight loss isn’t linear.

Weight loss isn’t linear.

Weight loss isn’t linear.

Maybe if I repeat this over and over again, it will somehow make me feel better about my 0.5 lb loss this week.

And it does. A little. But in reality, I lost 0.2 lbs last week, and 0.5 lbs this week…and that’s not good enough for me. I need to lose almost 50 lbs, and if I keep up this snail-like pace, I’m looking at reaching my goal in late 2014.

Slow and steady may finish the race, but “normal, acceptable pace” beats “slow and steady” any day.

So I’m changin shit up.

I figured out that, in the last 6 days, I’ve eaten an average of 1650 calories every day, and I exercised for 90 minutes 3 separate times. That led to this 0.5 lb weight loss. Obviously this is not working for me.

The truth is, weekends are what trip me up. I hang out with my friends, go out to eat, and drink a little more than I probably need to. On Saturday I had 1850 calories (due to alcohol) and Friday I had 2500 (due to a slight meltdown where I consumed 3 carrot cupcakes in 20 minutes – let’s not talk about that). So while I ate under 1400 every weekday, my weekend calories increased my average significantly.

So what am I gonna do? I decided that every weekday for the next 7 days I’m going to eat 1250 calories. But then on Friday and Saturday I’m allowing myself 2000 calories per day, or 4000 total, however I want to split it up. And I’m going to exercise FIVE times. This will give me an average of apprx. 1450 calories consumed per day, with hundreds of calories burned in exercise on top of that.

I’m hoping this will give me the extra kick in the butt on I need to get that scale moving.

The good news is, I’m no longer as hungry as I was. I was literally waking up, starving during the first week of this diet. But now my body is adjusting, so hopefully 1250 will be doable.

I’m not sure what the scale will have in store for me next week, but I’m excited to give this new plan a try.